Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
