this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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