His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
