Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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