FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
