I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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