dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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