You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
