please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
