Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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