A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
