what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
