It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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