question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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