He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
