He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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