Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
