it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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