so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
