For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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