Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
