this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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