i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
