your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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