i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
