Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As shirtless as possible
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
