Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The power of my boobs compel you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
