I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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