i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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