After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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