You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
