I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
