it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
