u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
