Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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