i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
