Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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