so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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