I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
