Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
