my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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