508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
