her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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