hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
