Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
