Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
