we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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