I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
