Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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