I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
