Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
