my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
