Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
