i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
